1. Sad that her parents died. Weird that they’re haunting her vagina.

  2. Show her Anduril, FLAME OF THE WEST.

    #It is not for you to deny the return of the king

  3. That’s when you have to unsheathe your sword and make everything within quake with shame and fear.

  4. All dead.. all rotten. Elves and men and orcses. A great battle, long ago. The Dead Marshes… yes, that is their name.

  5. Better drop to a knee and propose to that girl immediately

  6. None but the king of Gondor may command this pussy

  7. The Dark FireCrotch will not avail you! Flame of Ovum!

    …*cracks whip*…


  8. Of course, once you get married it’s all “I SUMMON YOU TO FULFILL YOUR OATH”

  9. I believe this is an entreaty for additional seduction!

    Important safety tip: Do not use Gollum/Sméagol voice.

  10. One of the few times the title makes me laugh as hard as the post

  11. You fear to go into those mines. You know what the dwarves awoke…

  12. Well you should probably console her for the loss of her parents rather than initiating sexytimes

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